


Intertwined

by TururaJ



Category: Aldnoah.Zero (Anime & Manga)
Genre: First Time, Hurt/Comfort, InaSure Anthology, M/M, PWP, Post-Finale, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 09:02:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14931275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TururaJ/pseuds/TururaJ
Summary: Kaizuka needed a distraction, and Slaine could use it nicely to his own benefit. It was now or never.





	Intertwined

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of plans for the FB fic initially, but unfortunately they all went down the drain as real life barged in. This was written in three days as a last minute attempt to participate in the book project. Basically, this is a PWP fic so beware, but it does have a setting so I’m kind of satisfied with it.  
> As always a huge thank you to Rosiel for organizing such a wonderful project, to Hakumei-san for her hard work with editing and always encouraging me, and to Paperballoon for listening to my cries of “Sex over, more sex!” and “When will they finish? I wanna sleep!” and sending me the ‘Shut up and write’ picture.  
> You three are the best!

_“The opposite of Loneliness is not Togetherness; it’s Intimacy.” © Richard Bach_

 

He came quietly in the dead of the night. The car was black and inconspicuous; the driver stayed inside. Slaine wasn’t sleeping so he watched the sudden visitor from his bedroom’s balcony on the second floor. The night was clear: wind caressed softly the nearby trees; the stars and the broken moon were out.

The moonlight fell upon the figure dressed in a black coat, dusting the straps on his shoulders with silver. Slaine followed the visitor with his eyes, examining, reacquainting himself with the familiar posture. The man was a bit taller than Slaine remembered him but his movements were oddly slow. As he pulled the baggage from the trunk compartment he was very careful not to step on his right leg. Slaine leaned back from the balcony railing, feeling a bit wary.

He went downstairs. The visitor had to have his own key - at least seven years ago, during his last visit, it was so - but Slaine wasn’t prepared to let another person into his home so easily. It was his haven, his territory, his salvation, and he would be damned if he let anyone enter without reasonable explanations. As he turned on the light in the hallway, he heard the door lock yielding to the visitor’s ministrations. So, he indeed had the key.

“Kaizuka Inaho.” The name slipped past his lips fast as if it was a bullet intended to eliminate the intruder. Slaine folded his hands on his chest and stood in front of Kaizuka, blocking him the path to the living room. It was easier to study him under the warm electric light. Physically Kaizuka looked fit but his face was pale and his shoulders were hunched; there were dark circles under his eyes, the left eye as usual was hidden under the black eye-patch. His dark hair was slicked and combed behind his ears. The shiny straps on his shoulders spoke of a high rank - vice-admiral’s if Slaine wasn’t mistaken. Finally Kaizuka looked like a grown up, and Slaine felt an unfamiliar tug at the pit of his stomach. What would a high ranked UFE officer want from him after ten years since the end of the war?

“Troyard.” Well, at least his voice stayed as void of emotions as Slaine remembered it. “I apologize for the late arrival. If I could I would’ve warned you beforehand, but it was a last moment decision so I came unannounced. My apologies if I woke you up.”

“I see you’ve learned some politeness,” Slaine drawled and stepped aside when Kaizuka leaned his head a bit to acknowledge Slaine’s words. This was a whole new Kaizuka Slaine didn’t know and he felt intrigued despite his initial wariness. “Come in. Or I’m sure they’ll convict me for keeping the vice-admiral on the porch for too long.” 

“Vice-admiral in retirement,” Kaizuka corrected him, and Slaine couldn’t help but be surprised. Seven years ago Kaizuka was very determined to rise through the ranks in order to help Asseylum build a better relationship with Earth. So much that he had installed the analytical engine back. Actually their last meeting was exactly about this: Kaizuka had him transferred to this house, away from the beach cottage where they had stayed for a while together. Despite the jealousy and the bitter feelings Slaine had wished him luck back then, and some part of him was even glad that Asseylum would have solid support in her long and exhausting quest for peace.

“Oh?” Slaine decided to be patient. Obviously there should be a reason for Kaizuka’s retirement, he thought, as he watched Kaizuka limping toward the comfortable leather couch. The limp was bad, and Kaizuka didn’t manage to hide the wince as he sat down. Slaine hurried to close the door, leaving Kaizuka’s baggage to wait inside the hall, then settled himself in the armchair that stood in front of the couch. “So… To what do I owe the doubtful pleasure of seeing you?”

“To this.” Thankfully, Kaizuka wasn’t going to beat around the bush. Slowly, he stretched his hurting leg out and avoided looking into Slaine’s eyes. “I have gained many enemies in the last few years, and finally they’ve succeeded in removing me from the picture. Admiral Hakkinen had warned me I was rising through the ranks too fast, and I failed to take into consideration the human factor while pushing aside my competitors. The last attack had hurt me badly, and though I survived I had attained wounds that now make me an easy target. As a result Hakkinen forced me to step down.”

“A pity,” Slaine mocked, at the same time wondering what the hell was wrong with Kaizuka and why he was so reluctant to look at Slaine. “But that still doesn’t explain why you’re here. Last I heard you had a sister and a whole crowd of admirers who you called friends.”

“Yes,” Kaizuka paused and turned his head to look at his own pale reflection in the window. For a second Slaine felt a shiver running down his spine - Kaizuka’s reflection looked dark and haunted, lifeless. “They are very supportive. But their care is unnecessary; they have their own lives to deal with.” 

“So, basically, you found the option of living together with Slaine Troyard, who, might I remind you, had shot you right into that thick skull of yours, the best in the current circumstances?” Slaine clarified and, upon Kaizuka’s agreement, felt his cheek twitching. “Splendid. Well, be my guest then. I can’t really say ‘no’ to my savior, can I?”

Even though the words Slaine said were derisive he knew they were not untruthful. He couldn’t kick Kaizuka out. As much as he didn’t like the man he still felt like he had owed Kaizuka a great deal: for saving him during the fall on Earth, for managing his health at prison, for arranging the beach cottage, for transferring him to this house where Slaine could live freely and use the disguise pendant to visit the nearby village. If he could pay Kaizuka back for all of that by letting him stay in the house then maybe it was the right decision to let him stay.

“You can take the bedroom on the first floor,” Slaine clasped his hands together and added, his voice stiff and firm, “It’s a bit dusty but I’m sure you can manage some cleaning. As for the food and other things we can figure it out tomorrow at breakfast.”

Kaizuka nodded tiredly and closed his eye. His shoulders sagged a bit, indicating he was tense and probably expected the refusal. Slaine huffed, then stood up hastily, directing himself up the stairs, leaving Kaizuka to sit on the couch; he needed time to think about the new situation. Kaizuka’s voice caught him right at the last step, and Slaine turned to look at him once more, though from where he stood he could only see the side of his face obscured by the heavy shadows. The table lamp in the living room wasn’t giving much light.

“Troyard. Thank you.”

It sounded sincere. There was actually some emotion behind the simple words. Slaine wasn’t used to it; he had been living alone for the last seven years. He felt his throat tightening and forced himself to spit out a quick answer, “Good night.”

Then he escaped.

***

The following morning came quickly, yet of all the things Slaine had expected Kaizuka to do less was to burn breakfast. He had to admit Kaizuka meant well. The table in the kitchen downstairs was set for two; the tea was hot and steaming. The summer sun peeked through the beige curtains illuminating the room with golden light. Slaine felt sleepy and tired after the restless night, but was alert in an instant when he saw the pillar of smoke rising from the frying pan. He turned off the stove and crouched near Kaizuka who was sitting on the floor, his back against the counter, obviously not able to get up.

“Dizziness, headaches, leg pains,” Kaizuka suddenly started listing, looking at his own hands folded over his lap. He was dressed in simple blue jeans and a white shirt that nicely clung to his chest, but looked too official for a homey morning. His hands were shivering though, and Slaine forced himself to focus and listen. “Weakness, nausea, insomnia. Nothing deathly. I urge you not to concern yourself with my situation.”

Slaine raised his brow and chuckled. “Right, Kaizuka. And almost burning my kitchen is a perfect beginning for our cohabitation. Should I help you up or bring you a pillow?”

“Neither. The weakness has already passed.” Kaizuka grabbed the edge of the counter and propped himself up, doing his best to avoid stepping on his right leg again. Slaine watched how for a second the muscles on his arm tensed, their movements hidden by the white sleeve. Kaizuka turned towards the frying pan and the corners of his lips moved downwards. However, Slaine wasn’t deceived by his tough act and chose the right moment to bring his hand under Kaizuka’s elbow. Apparently, after the weakness came the dizziness.

“Oh, for God’s sake, sit down. I can cook too,” Slaine said, irritated, then led Kaizuka to the closest stool. “You don’t need to play hero with me, you know, vice-admiral. Let’s just set the rules.”

“…All right.” For someone known previously of his obstinacy and uncompromising attitude Kaizuka seemed too fast to agree.

Slaine frowned while placing the frying pan into the sink and getting a new one from the cupboard. Of course he hadn’t seen Kaizuka for seven years, and the man might have changed during the time, but Slaine sensed it was not the case. It was not, however, the stuff to butt his nose into. Kaizuka had asked him for a shelter, not for his company. “We can both cook for ourselves, no need to go out of your way for me like today. If you feel ill though, do warn me. I’m not evil enough to leave you without food. Also, the bathroom is mine from 10 p.m. to 11 p.m. You are not to enter even if the whole UFE fleet is suddenly here to behead me.”

“That is acceptable. But what if instead of the UFE it’ll be the Vers fleet?”

Pleasantly surprised, Slaine turned to look at Kaizuka and saw him smiling faintly, although the smile looked forced. “Then you figure it out how to drive them away until 11 p.m.,” he played along.

“Confirmed.”

Even in his wildest dreams Slaine had never thought there would come a day when he’d have a sincere laugh over something Kaizuka Inaho had said. Life definitely liked to prove him wrong. The moment was short but Slaine felt as if he was no longer confused about Kaizuka’s presence. After all they both were grown-ups, and the past was left in the past. They could work everything out. 

“So… bacon or pancakes?”

“Neither. You still have some eggs left in the fridge.”

Or maybe not.

***

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Slaine’s life didn’t change much. He still woke up at 9:30, spent an hour in bed with a random book from his modest library or watching a movie on his tablet. He made breakfast afterwards, mostly for himself, but on rare days for Kaizuka too, when he’d find the man sprawled on his couch, pretending to be half-dead. They would not meet during the day, and they never went out of the house together. More accurately, after three months since his arrival Kaizuka had yet to leave the premises even once.

To be honest, Kaizuka was odd. Not because of his ever present poker face, and not because of his passion for egg dishes, and even not because he was obsessed about cleaning every speck of dust he could see. No, the truest oddness appeared when he had nothing to do: when all the clothes were washed, the dinner ready, the floor clean and shining. He would sit on the porch and stare emptily into distance or write hectically something on the endless stacks of papers which Slaine would later find in a trash bin. Physics theories, kataphrakts’ drafts, Aldnoah analyses, suggestions for corrections of the military law - everything ended up in the same trash bin Slaine was sometimes afraid to look into. Because, really, some of Kaizuka’s ideas were far too brilliant to lie there among the smelly trash. 

Then there was Kaizuka’s insomnia too. Slaine wasn’t an avid lover of visiting the toilet at night, but sometimes the urge was there, and, well, stumbling into the silently standing unmoving figure in the total darkness wasn’t the nicest of things. The first time it happened Slaine almost succeeded in punching Kaizuka’s face; thankfully his hand got blocked at the last moment. The second time he was more prepared, and when their bodies collided he swallowed down the fear and said, voice dangerously low, “Kaizuka, you know bats hunt at night, right? You’re sure you should stay out of bed?”

“Next time I’ll put on something bright orange so you’ll see me in the darkness,” Kaizuka had answered, and Slaine felt the tension slipping away into nowhere. Later though Slaine still taught himself to turn on the light in the living room before going downstairs. It was less scary.

Another odd thing was, unexpectedly, Kaizuka’s bedroom. Whilst Kaizuka liked to keep the whole house clean, his bedroom was another thing. Slaine had passed by the open door once or twice and was quite terrified at the mess he saw there. Books lying opened everywhere, papers scattered over the floor, bed sheets crumpled and falling from bed, empty packages from pills and other garbage decorating the windowsill. It surely gave Slaine the impression that Kaizuka was going mad.

There were also days when Slaine would see Kaizuka working out in the yard, doing push-ups as long as his wounded leg allowed him, or chin-ups on the fixed bar Slaine had installed for himself a couple of years ago when he felt like he was losing shape. Slaine would pause near the window or on the porch, drinking his morning tea and watching how beads of sweat rolled down Kaizuka’s bare back or chest. So far, for some weird reason, Slaine liked these moments the most. Kaizuka looked sane, Slaine didn’t feel as lonely as before, and Kaizuka’s body was nice to look at.

Yes, it was nice to look at: all those lean muscles, a couple of pale scars and dark hair scattered in every direction after another sleepless night. Confused, Slaine stared at the tea in his cup as if it could give him answers he wasn’t searching for yet. Slaine would gladly brush the thought aside, but the universe, certainly, decided to torture him because in the following days he started bumping into Kaizuka after Kaizuka had just had his shower, and the only thing that was usually on him was a towel wrapped around his waist. Of course, they both were men so there was no particular need to hide their bits from each other, yet Slaine immediately regretted that. 

Afterwards he’d been panicking for the whole two days until finally settling down to do some heavy thinking. Gripping the mirror and looking at himself, Slaine had forced himself to admit that, yes, the desire was there, that, no, he wasn’t going crazy, that, okay, it was actually explainable. He’d been alone for so long and so far had dealt with physical needs by himself. But touching himself or even using stuff to pleasure himself could never replace a real partner. Not that he had many partners to begin with. Memories about the doubtful experience at Vers during his rule only made him cringe.

Perhaps, Kaizuka wasn’t the best choice for this, but then again Slaine didn’t have any choice in the matter. Over the years he had gotten to know several villagers, and some of them were even interested in him, but Slaine had always eluded their attention. It was too dangerous in case they’d find out his identity. Kaizuka, on the contrary, was a safe play. Slaine also knew he could trust the man. The worst that could happen if Slaine chose to act was Kaizuka telling him he didn’t like men. Considering they both longed for Asseylum when they were younger it was the most probable outcome. Yet, Slaine felt hot and excited in a way he never had before. When he started walking around the house half-dressed, he had to remind himself that he was thirty years old, and it was perfectly fine for him to try and seduce another human being. Even if that human being was Kaizuka Inaho.

It took Slaine two weeks and a running nose to understand that the ‘half-naked’ strategy wasn’t working. As it was already autumn, and the days were getting colder, continuing to walk around with little clothes on would only cost him more health. Perhaps, Kaizuka needed a more homey approach. Finally dressing himself in a warm turtleneck, Slaine found Kaizuka in the living room and silently set a tray of tea and cookies near the man, then brought him a pillow and tucked it under his back whilst Kaizuka looked at him as if he suddenly grew a second head. Slaine quickly retreated thinking it was a good start.

He kept this behavior going on for three long weeks, and the only thing he got in the end was Kaizuka telling him “I’m not dying, Troyard” after finishing the particularly tasty cupcakes Slaine had baked himself. Slaine felt like kicking the idiot but had to admit that it was foolish to think Kaizuka would figure out his true intentions. He had to be more obvious and straightforward, but he still lacked the will to ask Kaizuka out directly. Well, maybe some books could help since Kaizuka was reading often these days.

Slaine walked to the village and into a small bookstore he usually frequented. As he put the stack of chosen books on the counter he had to fight the embarrassment, especially when the old owner gave him a wink. Slaine hurried back home and patiently waited until Kaizuka had gone to sleep, then, in just a matter of ten minutes, the books were spread around the house. Slaine even dared to put condoms inside some of them. He was sure Kaizuka wouldn’t be able to ignore his plan now.

Later, Slaine thought he might have succeeded if only he chose any other day. However, this was the day Kaizuka’s sister decided to call him in the morning, and when Slaine, still sleepy, went downstairs he’d accidently managed to hear their talk, because, honestly, Kaizuka’s sister was screaming her lungs out, and it was impossible to miss it. Slaine felt an unsettling feeling in his stomach. There was a lot of shouting and ‘First you’re a workaholic, you forget about your friends and me, and your little niece, then you almost die and then you disappear. And what the fuck have I done, Inaho, for you to treat me like this?’ There was also Kaizuka’s accepting silence and his words that later rang in Slaine’s ears for a long time and forced him to collect the books back: “I’m sorry for being a disappointment, Yuki. Please, forget about me.”

In the coming days the mood in the house grew heavier. Slaine could almost feel it as he watched Kaizuka pretty closely. Kaizuka ceased doing anything at all, even exercising, and his insomnia got worse. By the end of the week Slaine’s cheek was twitching so hard he thought he’d get a permanent nervous tic. Kaizuka was ignoring the calls on his mobile and just sat in the living room looking like a ghost. Slaine was sick of it. Kaizuka was plainly making a drama out of nothing. He could easily talk things through with his sister, but instead he sat there and did nothing, only drowned in self-pity. Slaine could understand he was feeling useless after losing his work; he’d felt something very close to the feeling when he still was in jail, but, unlike him, Kaizuka had no need of hiding himself from the world.

Slaine wasn’t planning on giving Kaizuka lectures though; it wasn’t his place. But when, in the beginning of November, the first snow had touched the ground and Kaizuka looked like he’d stop eating at all any moment, Slaine had had enough. Kaizuka needed a distraction, and Slaine could use it nicely to his own benefit. He put on his best fitting jeans and his favorite tight red shirt and stopped in front of the couch Kaizuka was occupying. It was now or never.

“Stop sulking and have sex with me.”

***

There. He had finally said it. Slaine kept his hands on his hips, trying to look forceful and confident, and waited for Kaizuka’s reply. Kaizuka blinked and looked at him, dark hair falling over his eye and his eye-patch. He was very slow to answer as if he needed time to emerge from the muddy cover of water that was bogging his brain.

“Sex?”

“Sex,” Slaine nodded. “As in s. e. x. Let’s go fuck before you wither and die on my couch.”

“What drives you to suggest we have sex?” Kaizuka seemed calm, but for the first time since his arrival his gaze was concentrated fully on Slaine. Somehow Slaine felt proud of himself.

“Oh, I don’t know, Kaizuka,” he waved his hand aside like it wasn’t an important question. “Maybe I like your abs. Or maybe this is a challenge. Want to accept? If you can get your cock up for me, that is.”

“You like my abs.”

It wasn’t a question so Slaine leaned his head to the side and chuckled. Kaizuka looked funny, slow and clearly still trying to process Slaine’s offer. If this was a battlefield Slaine would have won by now. He lowered himself near Kaizuka’s legs and put his arms over the knees hidden under the black sleep pants Kaizuka wore during the day. He was now looking at Kaizuka from below, and the proximity was thrilling. It had been far too long since Slaine felt the warmth of someone’s body. He instantly knew he could get aroused just from this little feeling.

“Think of it this way, Kaizuka. Slaine Saazbaum Troyard at your feet and sucking your cock. Doesn’t it arouse you?” Slaine knew he had to push, because if Kaizuka was really interested in sex with him he’d have agreed by now, but he was still sitting there, lost and silent. So, perhaps, some stimulation would carry on whatever was happening. He unhurriedly slid his palm up Kaizuka’s knee and thigh and shamelessly touched his groin through the thin fabric, feeling the outlines of Kaizuka’s privates.

“Troyard, I don’t think this is a good… ah.” An unmistakable shiver ran through Kaizuka’s body, and he promptly shut up, letting Slaine have his triumphant moment.

“I see you already like it, don’t you?” Slaine purred, suddenly feeling very hot. This was a turning point when he could still stop and go back to his room, but the thought of losing this chance was way more depressing than the issue of how he would deal with Kaizuka after they had sex. After ten years of nothing Slaine wanted changes. Slaine needed changes. Slaine desperately needed something, anything… Like normal human contact. Even if it was something wicked and twisted like sex. So, no, he wouldn’t turn back.

Leaving Kaizuka’s bits for later, Slaine slid his hands over Kaizuka’s abdomen and upwards, onto his firm chest; he met no resistance as the blue plaid shirt was unbuttoned. For a second Slaine felt the urge to kiss Kaizuka on the lips, but he discarded the thought very quickly. Maybe later, in the heat of the passion, he could truly let go of himself, but not now. Now, he lowered his head and kissed the open neck, breathing in Kaizuka’s earthly scent, making his prey shiver again. The hunter and hunted - Slaine felt like they have changed roles now, comparing to what was ten or even seven years ago, and it fired him greatly. He was the one parading everything; the one in control; he was a hunter here, in his own home, and Kaizuka would have to play by his rules.

For a second Slaine felt how Kaizuka’s hand grabbed his shoulder to stop him, but it was gone as fast as Slaine searched for Kaizuka’s eyes. Kaizuka looked away, he had a bit of red in his cheeks, and Slaine felt the first bits of suspicion crawling inside his head, but he willed them away. He had a sexy male body in front of him to do as he wanted so he went back to kissing Kaizuka’s chest and gradually kissing his way lower while caressing Kaizuka’s sides and hips with his greedy hands.

The pants would have to go. Slaine tugged them lower, forcing Kaizuka to sit up for a moment. His cock was still limp, and Slaine licked his lips to make them wetter. If he could get this part of Kaizuka aroused he’d definitely have a good time. Despite being limp, his cock seemed not overly large, yet not small either; it would fit perfectly inside Slaine, and Slaine felt the immediate urge to get it hard. If someone would tell him ten years ago he’d be sucking Kaizuka’s cock and actually enjoying it he’d punch the brain-sick’s face. But now it kind of felt easy and electrifying.

Kaizuka took a deep breath when Slaine lowered his mouth on him but it was the only sound he produced, and Slaine set out to play with the cock behind his lips. He didn’t have that much experience so he was trying to be slow and gentle, sucking a bit harder here and there, using his tongue, stilling when he’d get the whole of Kaizuka’s cock inside his mouth, allowing him to feel the warmth and wetness. Truthfully, it was an unforgettable experience when Kaizuka really got hard inside. Perhaps, the way Slaine caressed Kaizuka’s balls and the pleasurable little place behind them had also helped. Slaine sensed the hot wave in his own body coiling around his groin.

“Touch me,” he said, a little breathless, after letting go of Kaizuka’s cock and standing up. It came out more like an order but Slaine felt rightful after succeeding to arouse him. He unbuttoned his own shirt and slid it down his shoulders, then let it fall down on the floor. Years ago, he’d probably be very conscious about his scars, but nowadays when he was looking at himself in the mirror he felt at peace. Yes, they weren’t very nice to look at, but Kaizuka wasn’t a girl or a very emotional person anyway, so Slaine doubted the scars could turn him away. 

Kaizuka stood; the pants dangled from his knees, then landed on his ankles, so he carefully stepped out of them. They froze next to each other, Kaizuka’s look a bit faraway, though he brought up his hands to touch Slaine’s arms. Slaine raised his brow upon feeling the shy touch - Kaizuka let the tips of his fingers wander down his shoulders, but that was all he did.

“Put your hands more on me. I’m not biting,” a little impatient to feel more contact, Slaine started to instruct Kaizuka, then gripped his hands and moved them on his chest and over his nipples. Yet it failed to urge Kaizuka on. Was he still wavering about having sex with him? Was he thinking Slaine would fight with him over the position in bed? Slaine directed one of Kaizuka’s hands to his buttocks in some hope that Kaizuka will get the idea and relax, but after a second of hesitant caresses Kaizuka’s hand just dropped back to his side. Irritated, Slaine clicked his tongue, “God, Kaizuka, are you a virgin?” 

Surprisingly, at those words Kaizuka didn’t exactly manage to suppress the flinch. And Slaine felt his eyes going round, because finally it all came to him in a flash.

“You are, aren’t you?” he asked, bewildered. Until now he had really thought that his own sex life was, perhaps, the most miserable on the two planets. No one was interested in him on Vers when he was a teenager, and after he had become a Count some people wanted him only for his power, others just wished to screw the ‘filthy terran who dared to rise through the ranks’. Even if war had meddled with Kaizuka’s adolescence, unlike Slaine, Kaizuka had plenty of time and freedom in his twenties to catch up with this side of his life.

“I am not. I… have experience,” Kaizuka was desperately trying to look like he wasn’t mumbling and clearly the only thing that kept him at place was his erect cock or maybe the absence of his pants. “I do.”

“Right, you do,” Slaine snickered and, suddenly feeling very smug, guided his hand to Kaizuka’s cock and made Kaizuka step towards him by pulling his cock closer. “Want to tell me about it?” he whispered, teasing the sensitive head with his thumb. He used his other free hand to roam the expanse of Kaizuka’s bare chest, then his back that was hidden under the shirt’s domain. Kaizuka was warm and his body felt firm and solid at all the right places, and truthfully all that Slaine wanted was to yield to that firmness and forget his own name while the pleasure lasted. But nothing was ever simple.

“No,” Kaizuka answered looking at his own cock and the movements of Slaine’s hands on his body. He seemed to be pondering over something important, but Slaine’s seducing actions weren’t helping. In the end, Kaizuka only hid his eye and added in a very quiet voice, “She called me an impotent. I haven’t tried it since.”

Slaine narrowed his eyes; the surge of anger in his chest was unexpected. He had to be very careful here with what he’d say next, because Kaizuka was evidently hurt in the past if that one experience made him avoid sex altogether. It could also influence what Slaine wanted to have with Kaizuka here, so he teased Kaizuka’s cock more and leaned his head to kiss and bite slightly his collarbone. “Doesn’t seem to me like you’re an impotent, Kaizuka.”

“You may be disappointed in the process.” Ah, yes. Here came Kaizuka’s famous obstinacy, right when Slaine had no need for it.

“Then I’ll shoot you in the head again,” he cracked a joke to lighten the atmosphere and stepped a bit back to make Kaizuka look him in the eyes. Luckily, his words seemed to relax Kaizuka a bit - the corners of his lips went up.

“Don’t miss,” he advised, and Slaine found himself wanting to continue their banter but if he’d do that they’d probably never get to do the sex itself. So he just laughed and let go of Kaizuka’s cock.

“Let’s go to the bedroom, Kaizuka. Though if you chicken out in the process, do tell me.”

In spite of giving Kaizuka the option of escaping, Slaine caught his hand, entwined their fingers and pulled him towards the staircase. The idea of holding hands was abrupt, but perhaps it could help Kaizuka to get more accustomed to their intimacy, and Kaizuka didn’t object anyway, just cast an unreadable glance at their joined hands. They must have looked amusing, walking the stairs half-undressed, and Kaizuka stumbling a bit over the steps because of his limp and, apparently, because of no experience with walking with his dick aroused.

“Why your room?” Kaizuka asked as Slaine opened the door and led him inside. 

“Because I will not set foot into that shrine of self-pity you call your bedroom, Kaizuka,” Slaine huffed and watched as Kaizuka’s lips formed a straight line. There was nothing untruthful in his words though. Compared to Kaizuka’s messy room, Slaine’s bedroom was neat and clean and nicely aired. His bed was comfy and large and covered with fresh sheets; in fact, Slaine had changed them this morning to suit his plan. He also kept things prepared in his bedside table, though the thought of condoms and lubricant lying there for the soon use was quite embarrassing.

Slaine shut the door so that the drafts wouldn’t bother them, then pushed Kaizuka to sit on the bed and met his gaze. He looked quite sexy with his disheveled hair, the shirt which was dangerously close to slipping down from his shoulders and leaving him completely naked, and those strong shoulders and legs he had from his work out, plus his cock which looked ready to go. Slaine felt like he had discovered a gem no one stupidly cared to see before. The mere sight was very stimulating and he brought Kaizuka’s hand to his own jeans so that Kaizuka could feel that Slaine wasn’t fooling around; he was half-hard already.

“Want to help me get this off?” Slaine asked playfully as he maneuvered Kaizuka’s hand to the zipper-fly. Kaizuka moved it down carefully, focusing on the bit of work he was asked to do with complete attention, and soon Slaine stood before him, gloriously naked. He presumed he would feel more shame at this point, but with Kaizuka knowing fewer things about sex than he did, there was no reason to be ashamed at all. Slaine let Kaizuka look him over and then climbed on his knees, making them fall back on the bed, their faces almost touching. This close he could feel Kaizuka’s increased breathing, and he stilled, his lips shivering in anticipation and very close to Kaizuka’s lips.

“Do you want us to kiss?” Slaine thought he might as well ask. Kissing was usually a thing done between lovers. He knew one-night stands tended to be more of a physical nature, with bodies moving frantically against each other but no shared emotional contact. He also knew he’d be delighted with tasting Kaizuka’s mouth, because that mouth had sprouted so much silliness in the old times when they were living at the beach house and playing those maddening chess games and even before that, during the war, that Slaine just needed to shut it up now, even though so much time had passed. But he didn’t know what Kaizuka might consider acceptable.

“I don’t know,” Kaizuka said and for a moment looked lost and bitter, “I don’t understand the rules, Troyard.”

“There are no rules. Touch me and do what you feel like,” Slaine hurried to explain in fear of breaking the mood. He didn’t give Kaizuka any chances of dwelling on the past; he leaned forward and sealed their lips together in a slow and undemanding kiss. Kaizuka’s lips were actually nice, warm and moving against his, though, undeniably, Kaizuka didn’t have any experience kissing either. The more Slaine thought about Kaizuka being a virgin the more he thought that, maybe, it wasn’t very surprising. Kaizuka was brilliant when it came to war and science; there was no reason for him to be good when it came to dealing with people, more so with the shady side of life that was called ‘relationships’.

As Slaine pushed his lips against and against Kaizuka’s he started feeling more greedy of everything. Heat resembled coiling around his cock and balls; hands started wandering over Kaizuka’s back, under his shirt, compelling him to arch his body a bit to give way for Slaine’s hands. Kaizuka’s eye that wasn’t hidden by the eye-patch closed, and at some point Kaizuka leaned his face to the side to be able to meet Slaine’s kisses more comfortably, and Slaine licked at Kaizuka’s lips, causing him to surrender a sigh. 

Slaine moved his hips against Kaizuka’s, their cocks aligned and slowly rubbing against each other. Kaizuka was no impotent if Slaine had any say in it. He was warm and delicious and shy in an alluring way - it took him minutes to work his hand into Slaine’s hair just to pat it softly and even more minutes to touch Slaine’s back. They were just beginning, but Slaine could already feel everything Kaizuka didn’t know about himself yet: he would be a gentle lover; a lover who would comply with anything his partner asked of him; he would be full of patience and of slow fire - the selfless kind, if only someone would give him a chance. Slaine almost let out a moan. It was horrible - the way life treated people; the way people treated other people; the way people let go of the hope and just kept living, existing, not searching or risking again for things they could have. 

Slaine entangled his hands into Kaizuka’s hair, deepening the kiss, bringing their bodies closer to share the heat. Kaizuka let his tongue slip inside and explore his mouth; he didn’t protest as Slaine accidently brushed his eye-patch off and bared the scars which were gathered around his closed eye-lid; the installation of the second analytical engine must have caused some damage. Slaine’s head was spinning, he felt hot all over; kissing Kaizuka was not enough, and he lowered one of his hands and wrapped it around Kaizuka’s cock again.

“T-Troyard.” Kaizuka abruptly pushed Slaine away by bringing his hand to his chest and immediately looked apologetic. He watched Slaine warily, with both of his crimson eyes as if he had done something totally wrong. Slaine was sure though that Kaizuka only needed some air and, perhaps, wanted to stifle a moan. “I’m sor-”

“Shh,” whispered Slaine to his ear, and, although he wanted to kiss more, he decided against it. Kaizuka was having a rough time managing his emotions. Heck, it was his real first time. He would probably not hold out for long even if Slaine let him go the full way. Instead of kissing his mouth Slaine started kissing his neck while his hand kept slowly teasing his cock. At least Kaizuka’s member wasn’t going limp because of the nervousness since their situation wasn’t what one would call ordinary. Well, Kaizuka always had guts.

After leaving a colorful bruise on Kaizuka’s neck Slaine sat back on Kaizuka’s thighs. He knew he better use lube at this point as he planned to settle his buttocks right over Kaizuka’s hard cock and have him experience how it felt. The bedside table seemed too far, but Slaine managed to reach for it without breaking contact with Kaizuka’s body. He felt victorious as he took the things he needed, opened the tube’s lid and poured the lube on his palm. He didn’t care about dirtying the blanket or the sheets; he’d wash everything later.

“It feels… good,” Kaizuka said in an unusually tight voice as Slaine slowly smeared the gel over his cock. His cheeks were flushed again, and he was carefully studying what Slaine was doing. It wasn’t just desire, and inwardly Slaine chuckled - Kaizuka was already gaining knowledge for future use.

“This should feel better,” Slaine bit his lip and pinned Kaizuka’s cock against his stomach, then sat over it, almost trapping it between his buttocks. Oh it felt awesome as he leaned back and started moving his hips: the feeling of the hard cock sliding against the curve of his ass in an imitation of future act, and the way he must have looked for Kaizuka, sitting over him with legs open, his own cock hard and dripping with pre-come. Slaine had never before thought he could be as open as he was now; he had never done something like this with others, so why was he acting this way? Was he that hungry? Or did he trust Kaizuka so much? Slaine forced back a gasp as Kaizuka’s cock slid again over the right place. No, it wasn’t the perfect time for thinking.

Slaine shivered as Kaizuka’s hands slowly came up to hold his hips; he wasn’t trying to control Slaine’s movements, but he was very flushed and probably needed more contact as the pleasure intensified. He was breathing even heavier than before and, although Slaine enjoyed the friction very much, he realized it was time to move things further, or Kaizuka would quit the game before Slaine could deflower him, so to speak.

Slaine released Kaizuka’s cock from the bodily trap and took the lube again. He kept his legs apart and loomed on his knees over Kaizuka, watching him while he worked his fingers inside himself. He used one, then two fingers, and arched his back, just for Kaizuka to see the curves of his body better. He acted like a pervert, but he didn’t feel like one, and it spurred him on. He wasn’t sorry about wasting more lube than was needed. When Kaizuka touched his thigh and let his hand stroke it, starting from his hip and stopping over his knee, Slaine shuddered. He couldn’t wait much longer. Even if it was only for one minute or two he needed Kaizuka inside him.

Slaine caught the edge of Kaizuka’s shirt and made him sit up. The shirt was already sticking to Kaizuka’s back, wet from sweat. Impatient, Slaine latched onto Kaizuka’s shoulder and licked it until he made another mark of his own. While he was this close he couldn’t stop himself and slid his hands to Kaizuka’s buttocks just to feel the form and tightness of them; as a result he moaned right into Kaizuka’s ear and felt him shudder. It was the last straw.

Slaine hurriedly fumbled around the bed for a condom; he vaguely remembered he took three or four of them from the bedside table, but now it seemed like they cooperatively decided to hide from him. He must have looked foolish when he exclaimed “Got you!” after fishing one of them out from the blanket’s fold. Kaizuka didn’t smile though; his gaze was fixed on the condom as if he couldn’t really believe they were going to do it. Slaine opened the package, moved away Kaizuka’s hands which somehow got in his way and rolled the condom over Kaizuka’s hot and hard cock. Now, everything was ready.

Slaine took a second wondering about the pose. It would, perhaps, be better if he could control the pace, that way Kaizuka could last longer, but he also wanted Kaizuka to experience being in control. It would be a failure though, Slaine knew it; so the choice was, basically, ten minutes against two or, rather, Slaine’s pleasure against Kaizuka’s self-esteem. Slaine could parade everything till the end, and Kaizuka would, luckily, still feel grateful for the experience, but he would also think Slaine didn’t trust him with his body. And for some inexplicable reason Slaine didn’t want Kaizuka to think that.

“Come on, vice-admiral, your turn to do some work,” Slaine encouraged him and moved over on the bed, lying face down and raising his hips towards Kaizuka’s clueless hands. It was an easy pose for them both, and Kaizuka should feel more daring since he wouldn’t see Slaine’s face. It was also a pose that turned Slaine into a needy tangle of limbs: his cock throbbed, demanding attention, and the inside of his ass burned; Slaine wanted to be filled.

“I’m sorry if I… do something wrong.” Kaizuka’s hands trembled a bit when he hesitantly touched Slaine’s hips.

“The only thing you can do wrong here,” Slaine looked at Kaizuka from behind his shoulder and stretched his hand to slap Kaizuka’s thigh in an attempt to reassure him, “Is to tell me you’re going downstairs to feed the dog.”

“You don’t even have a dog, Troyard,” the worry was gone for a moment from Kaizuka’s voice, replaced by the clear amusement.

“Right?” Slaine chuckled and moved closer, under the touch of the unsure hands, trying to show Kaizuka that he was ready and excited for their coupling. Kaizuka’s indecisiveness was arousing, yet Slaine needed to feel him; he’d been waiting for far too long.

The feeling of the hard cock against his entrance made him bite down a moan. Slaine gripped the sheets and panted while Kaizuka was figuring out how to thrust inside him without missing the target. There was a lot of lube, and the condom too had some, so Kaizuka’s first efforts failed spectacularly - he wasn’t using enough pressure and he wasn’t guiding himself, so his cock just slid to the side and rubbed against Slaine’s buttocks.

Slaine waited patiently and watched Kaizuka’s face in the small mirror that stood on his bedside table. Good thing Kaizuka hadn’t seen it because he definitely wouldn’t have liked knowing that Slaine had noticed his poker face crumbling down in embarrassment. He probably wouldn’t have felt as bad if they were back in their teenage years, but they both were in their thirties, and a random partner could really ridicule Kaizuka for being so inexperienced. Slaine was walking a really thin line here but he couldn’t stop watching. Kaizuka was sexy; the way his arms moved was sexy; the way the wet tips of his hair stuck to his forehead was sexy; his abs were sexy; even the way he finally caught on how to better guide his cock inside was sexy.

All it took was one thrust, and Kaizuka’s cock slid deep into Slaine, fitting perfectly like it had always belonged there. Slaine let out a gasp and had to fight the urge to move his hips immediately in fear of toppling Kaizuka onto the bed. Kaizuka wasn’t moving - he was staying hunched over Slaine, shivering, forehead pressed into Slaine’s spine; for the first time since Slaine’s approach his hands were really holding Slaine tightly. And then Kaizuka kissed his back.

“Oh, God,” Slaine moaned as waves of pleasure ran down his skin. It certainly was one of the most innocent kisses Slaine had ever received but it made his head spin. There was so much gentleness behind it, and gratefulness, and a wordless promise to do everything in his power to return the generosity Slaine had bestowed upon him that Slaine instantly knew he had made the right choice.

It was only for a second, then the moment shifted, and Kaizuka straightened his back and tried to move his hips. They rocked back and forth for a bit, Slaine enjoying the way Kaizuka’s cock stretched him, its hardness and heat. Yet, Slaine knew it couldn’t last. As Kaizuka dared to move faster, slipped out of his body and thrust back in, Slaine did his best to salvage the sensations.

Kaizuka not only lacked the confidence; he totally didn’t know how to move in the right way and at what angle to shove his cock better so that Slaine could soar to heaven; he hadn’t learned yet how to control the speed and how to pace himself when all his body clearly wanted was to pound Slaine’s ass. It was predictable and quite what Slaine expected. Kaizuka lost himself within feverish thrusting, and while it was still hot and pleasurable Slaine felt he wouldn’t be able to reach the end.

He didn’t regret anything though. Not when he could see Kaizuka coming inside him, eyes closed, body trembling so much, hands desperately trying to hold onto Slaine’s buttocks, beads of sweat gathering on Kaizuka’s chest and forehead. The sex was perfect in a way Slaine couldn’t describe. Just sharing their bodies, the heat, showing the trust towards each other was more than enough for him after seven years of loneliness.

“I’m sorry, I… This was awful for you,” Kaizuka was panting, half-lying over Slaine at this point; one of his hands clutched the sheet a little too strong. Slaine had to act again before Kaizuka became lost in self-pity and imagined a thousand bad things Slaine wasn’t feeling. But first he had to mind the condom, because Kaizuka obviously hadn’t had the slightest idea what to do next and was still high after his orgasm. Slaine reached with his hand behind his back and held the condom’s rim, then moved his body away, feeling sad as Kaizuka’s cock slipped out of him. They had already spent some time just lying silently so it had to soften soon, and Slaine didn’t want to go to shower and clean himself. He tied the knot at the condom’s opening and put it on the floor for now, away from the carpet.

“It was the best experience in my life, Kaizuka,” Slaine said, and it wasn’t even a lie. Perhaps, he had felt more pleasure before, but he had never felt as connected as he did now. It was a riddle he would have to think over later. Perhaps, he had come to like Kaizuka not after he had asked Slaine for shelter but much earlier? Seven years ago when they had shared space at the beach house? Kaizuka sure had earned his trust back then. “And I’m still not done. Give me your abs.”

Kaizuka blinked, but Slaine wasn’t going to waste time and explain. He pressed himself against Kaizuka’s side, put one leg over Kaizuka’s and started rubbing his cock against his leg. He was using his hand too while with the other one he held onto Kaizuka’s shoulder. When he was close he shifted again so that he could come right over Kaizuka’s seductive abs, which he did, while Kaizuka looked at him, the noticeable flush spreading onto his chest. Slaine wasn’t ashamed. He felt sated and content that his plan had worked out after all.

“You do like my abs,” Kaizuka finally spoke when Slaine found strength to get tissues and cleanse Kaizuka’s abdomen of his come.

“I told you,” Slaine chuckled, then covered them both with his blanket. He wasn’t going to send Kaizuka away, and Kaizuka didn’t look like he wanted to go away. They could take a nap right here, in Slaine’s bedroom, and Slaine would be very happy to use Kaizuka’s warm body as an additional pillow.

It was a perfect arrangement.

***

Kaizuka went away first. Slaine did hear his faltering steps in his slumber but was too lazy to move or say anything. They could talk or not talk about the sex; now it was up to Kaizuka. Slaine could start the conversation first of course, but he might as well have some fun and see how Kaizuka reacted. He decided to carry himself like he did before, and thus the next morning the sheer hilarity began.

Kaizuka wasn’t looking depressed anymore, no, he was far from depressed. He was making tea when Slaine entered the kitchen, and that splendidly done tea went right onto Kaizuka’s pants. There was a lot of hissing that followed, and Slaine had to bite down his laughter. Yet, he couldn’t stop himself from teasing, “Don’t destroy your cock, Kaizuka. It’s too gorgeous to die young.”

He thought some flattery would help if Kaizuka was going to react to his presence like this, but it actually made things worse. Kaizuka began to avoid him and always made sure there was a lot of distance between them when they crossed paths downstairs. Slaine smiled like a predator every time it happened, though he couldn’t fathom why on earth Kaizuka was acting like this. It seemed like the only good thing that came out of the day they had sex was Kaizuka cleaning his bedroom. When Slaine saw him carrying away the trash he had accumulated there over the summer and autumn he was very surprised.

Be that as it may, Slaine had stayed amused for a whole week, but he wanted answers as well. Did Kaizuka like what had happened between them? Did he want to do it again? Was his embarrassment the reason he was avoiding Slaine? In truth, Slaine would gladly ask for a repeat, but he couldn’t. Not until he knew exactly what was Kaizuka’s problem, and whether Slaine had pushed too far the last time. 

It all resolved in a way that made him laugh out loud, it was too funny to hold back. Slaine was comfortably sitting on the windowsill and observing the falling snow when Kaizuka shuffled into the living room, looking very unsure, yet determined. He had some color in his cheeks, and it didn’t escape Slaine’s notice that his current clothes looked very inviting. He had tight black pants on and they sat low on his hips; the black t-shirt also opened a nice view of his arms. He wasn’t using his eye-patch, and his usually unruly hair was combed backwards. He clearly had a shower recently; the smell of the shower gel was pleasant.

“Would you not feel averse to look at my… abs again?” Kaizuka stiffened after voicing his offer.

Even though Slaine laughed he didn’t give any time for the idiot to run away. He jumped from the windowsill and grabbed Kaizuka’s t-shirt, then pushed him against the nearest wall. “So you want to do it again?” he whispered seductively, forcing one of his legs between Kaizuka’s knees.

“No…” Kaizuka tried to look away and hide his excitement but it was futile. He was probably readying himself for this moment for quite some time. Slaine watched as he willed the shyness away. “Yes. Yes, I do.”

“Bedroom,” Slaine commanded, happy he had acquired quite a lot of condoms when he had set out to seduce Kaizuka.

They kissed while going up the stairs, and Kaizuka was actually touching him more actively this time. Slaine felt elated, wanted. He let his desire out and burned Kaizuka with it; they were both coming thanks to the ole good frottage even before they got undressed fully. Slaine didn’t let Kaizuka leave this time. He woke up first and used the bathroom to prepare himself and then he used Kaizuka’s cock all the ways he had wanted. He sucked it and made it hard, then impaled himself on it and set the maddeningly slow pace while holding onto Kaizuka’s shoulders and feeling his strong hands gripping his ass tightly. It was only ten minutes of sex, ten minutes of blissful mind-blowing sex, ten minutes of heated unity, and Slaine knew he wanted to do it every day, preferably in the morning, during the day and at night too.

Days merged into a hazy chain full of skin-to-skin warmth and pleasure. Slaine taught Kaizuka everything he knew, let him gain confidence, allowed him to experiment if he so desired. After every frenzy Slaine lied on the bed and couldn’t believe how much their bodies suited each other. Was it the result of Slaine staying in control at first? Or was Kaizuka a natural? Towards March Kaizuka’s stamina could last for more than two hours, and Slaine didn’t have to instruct him at all. He arched his back into the bed, legs falling from Kaizuka’s shoulders onto his elbows, while Kaizuka moved inside him, carefully examining Slaine with his eyes to see what he needed, whether he wanted to come already or prolong the bliss. It was the best thing about Kaizuka: he was giving Slaine attention ten times as much as Slaine had given him in the first days. He would always make sure Slaine was sated and cared for before he allowed himself to let go. If Slaine felt tired he would also easily back down, and just touch himself or use Slaine’s hand to reach the finish.

As much as Slaine loved the sex, there were also moments he longed for even more. Those moments made him feel insecure, but they were the most precious of what he had now, and because of them, sometimes it was hard to think about the future. Slaine was sure that when Kaizuka got over the novelty of the sensations that sex had brought, he would go on with his life. After all, his sister never ceased to call him and demand his return. That’s why Slaine savored every second of those little moments, though thinking deeply about them usually kept him awake at night.

It was the way Kaizuka gathered their clothes after sex, making sure to straighten Slaine’s things and put them away into the wardrobe while Slaine was lying here, on the bed, like a lazy king. It was the way Kaizuka would bring him water in the middle of the night if Slaine was thirsty, even though his leg hurt. It was the way Kaizuka would make both bacon and eggs for breakfast, knowing Slaine didn’t like eggs as much as he did. It was the way he would give Slaine his jacket whenever Slaine wanted to go out on the balcony and breathe in the cold air.

It was the way Kaizuka would approach him, trapping him between his body and the kitchen counter, and kiss Slaine’s shoulder, making Slaine smile and ask quietly, “Abs again?” And the way Kaizuka would answer, “Yes, they are in a dire need of inspecting.”

By the time June rolled around Slaine feared he already knew his initial plan had backfired.

He had fallen in love.

***

Slaine felt too lazy to get up; the rain outside was heavy. He rolled in the bed sleepily, enjoying the way his body bumped against Kaizuka, and the way Kaizuka held his hand that rested over his abdomen and gently caressed his fingers. It was one of those rare mornings when they didn’t have sex because Kaizuka wasn’t feeling very well, but they still stayed together and chatted about random and stupid things like Emperor Klancain’s non-existent abs and the way to use the Aldnoah power for the improvement of the spaceship sanitary units. At some point it got very hard to hold back laughter so Slaine didn’t.

He felt lighthearted and happy, maybe a bit worried about Kaizuka’s dizziness. He shifted on the bed and joined their legs, kissed Kaizuka’s chest and closed his eyes contentedly when Kaizuka answered by stroking his back and pulling him closer. Their touch was slow and lacked fire, but for Slaine it was the most precious pastime. He thought maybe he should talk to Kaizuka today and voice some of his feelings, just to test the waters. To make sure he’d have more time. To fuel the hope that refused to stay away.

It was right then that Kaizuka’s phone suddenly rang, and a minute later Kaizuka’s face had gone deathly pale.

“It’s my niece. She’s sick. I need to go back.”

And just like that, it was over. Slaine was left alone on the bed, forced to watch Kaizuka hurriedly gather up his clothes. Neither his limp, nor the dizziness could stop him. Slaine shut his mouth in fear of saying something that should never be said.

“Oh, yes. You should go.” The words felt distant and insincere even to his own ears, but Kaizuka didn’t notice. He was too worried about his family to see Slaine’s true reaction. “I hope she will be well.”

Kaizuka was booking tickets while throwing his things into his luggage bag; he had called a taxi but the car needed some time to get there as Slaine’s house stood away from the village. Slaine put on his bathrobe and followed Kaizuka, trying to look impassive. Though, in truth, he was breaking inside with every step. Gone would be the mornings together, the warm nights, and the quiet talks. Slaine would be alone again, left to spend his life in this tranquil prison that over the years he had learned to call ‘home’.

Kaizuka stopped in front of the door and turned to look at him; his lips twitched, it seemed like he wanted to say something. Slaine clutched the edges of his bathrobe tightly; his knuckles were going white. After a moment of indecision Kaizuka stepped forward, and Slaine felt his hands coming around him, locking Slaine inside an embrace. He didn’t dare to hug Kaizuka back; he knew that if he did he wouldn’t find strength to let the man go. The only thing he allowed himself was to lean his head over Kaizuka’s shoulder and breathe in his familiar scent one last time.

“Troyard.” His surname was said instead of a farewell. Then the car outside beeped; Kaizuka pulled away, carried his luggage out, opened up the umbrella and shut the front door softly. Slaine guessed he could use his disguise to walk Kaizuka to the taxi but he stayed right where he was and waited until the sounds of the engine died down.

Slowly, he lowered himself on his knees and tried to breathe. The feeling of panic was more or less familiar; he had a lot of episodes during his imprisonment and afterwards too, even after he came to live here. He had learned to manage them, and over the years they happened less and less, but right now Slaine wasn’t feeling alright. It was the prison that taught him the true fear of loneliness, and now he had to learn to deal with it again. He had to start from scratch. He had to forget. 

It took him half of the morning just to carry himself to the couch. Two days to start eating again. A week to stop wearing the shirt Kaizuka had forgotten in the bathroom. A month to find the courage to enter Kaizuka’s bedroom to clean it from dust. The whole summer to sleep without waking up every hour to check whether Kaizuka was lying beside him. 

He felt empty. The house felt empty. The world around stood silent and bleak. The summer was neither hot nor cold; the sky was constantly hidden behind a heavy veil of violet clouds. Slaine couldn’t really concentrate on anything. He wondered if he should get a dog or a cat. He felt like crying but the tears never came; he was empty of tears as well. He also felt too old to allow himself so many emotions so he spent his days trying not to think at all.

It was over. Over. Kaizuka would never be his. He should have set rules for himself when he had started luring Kaizuka, but he had been stupid. And now it was too late. It was over, and there was nothing he could do.

***

Whilst the summer hadn’t been very warm, the following autumn was neither in a hurry to color the trees with yellow and red. The days continued with the same cool indifference and lethargy. Slaine now often found himself sitting on the porch with a cup of warm tea. It was easy to focus on the nature around, to get lost in the simplest of senses: he liked the way the wind ruffled his hair, liked the scents of the distant bonfires, liked to listen to the birds’ chirping.

He would never confess to himself, however, that during these times he was also watching the part of the faraway highway that could be seen through the trees. Taxis rarely visited the village - most of the local families had their own vehicles - so if Slaine spotted a taxi he couldn’t hold back the shivers and always cursed himself, sometimes kicking the lower steps of the porch in frustration. He was not waiting for Kaizuka. He was not that desperate!

Okay, maybe he was. Because he, sure, started hallucinating. Slaine put his cup on the step, too afraid he might drop it, as he looked at Kaizuka Inaho approaching his porch with the familiar luggage bag and a backpack on one of his shoulders. He was limping so he wasn’t walking fast and Slaine had enough time to examine him. This time his hair was a complete mess; he was dressed in an orange jacket and warm brown jeans that didn’t suit him at all; it looked like Kaizuka had preferred comfort over style. It also looked like Kaizuka was packing in a hurry as parts of clothes could be seen trapped by the bag’s zipper.

“The taxi broke down so I had to walk a bit on foot. But thanks to that I got a discount,” Kaizuka said nonchalantly instead of a greeting and limped up Slaine’s porch without saying anything else. Slaine didn’t even turn to look as he disappeared inside the house. Because it couldn’t be real, right? He was going mad. There was no point for Kaizuka to return.

Slaine stayed on the porch until the sky darkened. He’d stay outside longer but the nights were chilly so he entered the house and, ignoring Kaizuka’s things lying everywhere, went straight into the bathroom. It was when he stood, naked, under the hot sprays of water that it finally dawned on him. Kaizuka was back. Kaizuka was in the house, probably preparing his stupid scrambled eggs again.

Tears burned his eyelids, but he didn’t cry, just slid down the wall, embraced his knees and hid his face as he leaned down. Too many questions, fears and feelings swarmed inside his head, all at once, and Slaine felt like falling; his heart was beating madly. He wasn’t strong enough to deal with so many emotions, not after the months he spent in void.

The familiar hand landed on his shoulder, slowly moved down his arm in a gentle caress. Slaine flinched but didn’t back away. He suppressed his temper; it was useless against Kaizuka. Instead, he let Kaizuka climb behind his back and hold him. Slaine made a deep breath and relaxed his body against the firm chest. It hurt even reaching out with his hand to touch Kaizuka’s knee, but Slaine had never been a coward. He had missed this, this intimacy he could have only with Kaizuka: talking, touching, trusting, sharing. To have it back now made his head spin.

“Didn’t I tell you not to enter the bathroom until 11 p.m.?” he asked, his voice hoarse. 

“Yes, but I may have something more urgent than the UFE and Vers fleets at your doorstep. Or rather, I require your agreement for it,” Kaizuka didn’t even sound guilty of breaking the rule and barging into Slaine’s domain.

“Huh?” Honestly, Slaine felt tired. He just wanted to understand what was going on. He pressed the back of his head against Kaizuka’s shoulder and closed his eyes so that water wouldn’t get in them. 

“Will you let me stay here with you? Not just for the foreseeable future, but, perhaps, for longer than… just the foreseeable future?” For a moment Kaizuka sounded as shy as that first time Slaine had lured him into his bedroom.

“What happened to your family, Kaizuka?” Slaine enquired, suddenly feeling very breathless. Nothing made sense. He opened his eyes and looked sharply at Kaizuka, though his gaze instantly fell on Kaizuka’s lips. The man was very close and with no clothes on.

“My niece is fine; it was a simple cold. Yuki lied to me; she knew I would come back. We have talked everything out.” There was a lot of confidence in Kaizuka’s voice now; it contrasted greatly with his previous sullen look. “Also, while I was there Admiral Hakkinen had contacted me and suggested I do some behind-the-scenes work. I will still get paid, but the work is mostly connected with planning, so it’s a distant one. I’ve brought my laptop.”

Slaine paused and looked away. Kaizuka’s hand was moving over his side, calming him greatly. The touch was giving him hope but he was too afraid to believe in it right away. Yet, he had no way of escaping the talk; he needed to know. “Why?” His fingers clenched into fists. “Why me, Kaizuka? We don’t exactly have a pleasant history. I think you’ve gotten a little bit fixated on me because I became your first lover.”

Slaine wanted to destroy himself. What was he doing? Why was he scaring Kaizuka away instead of just holding him here forever, instead of luring him into his arms for the rest of eternity? Why was he denying himself a chance to be happy? He knew he was always stupid; honesty was a stupid thing. So why was he choosing honesty over being selfish?

“Partly, perhaps,” Kaizuka simply nodded, and Slaine felt as if all his fears went down the drain in a flash; he felt silly. “But you were also the only one who treated me like an equal, who put trust in me, who cared enough to help me when I felt dejected - all of that despite our history. Also, I have never before thought that having a partner would be as… compelling. You are interesting, Slaine Troyard.”

Slaine let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding. He searched for Kaizuka’s elbow with his hand and slid his palm over it, reacquainting himself with the feel of the strength in Kaizuka’s arms. There was no more reason to hesitate. If Kaizuka wanted him he would have him. “Yes. You can stay. In my bedroom, that is. Or otherwise it’ll be a waste of your abs.”

Kaizuka smiled over his shoulder. For a second Slaine felt a kiss against his wet mop of hair, then Kaizuka got up and turned the water off. It was probably a wise decision since they were sitting under the shower for quite some time. “I have to tell Yuki about this.”

Slaine was in the process of getting up as well when he deciphered the words’ meaning. “Oh my God, you’ve told your sister about us?”

“Why wouldn’t I? You’re my lover. She had promised to visit us next summer together with her husband and daughter.”

“I had shot you in the head!” Slaine cried, bewildered. He was so shocked he almost slipped on the wet floor. Thankfully, Kaizuka moved in time to support him.

“That she knows. But I’ll be by your side to meet her wrath.” 

Kaizuka’s smile was becoming too smug. Slaine wrapped himself in a towel and huffed. 

“That’s it, Kaizuka. You’re punished. For informing your sister without my consent and for barging into my bathroom,” he declared and prodded Kaizuka in the ribs with his finger. “No inspection of your abs for three days!”

“My biceps and triceps aren’t bad as well,” Kaizuka stated and before Slaine shut the door in his face, added. “At least a kiss?”

Oh, he’d get his kiss, Slaine thought; he’d get a lot of kisses in the future if Slaine had any say in it. But right now Slaine needed just one more minute for himself. One more minute until the world, in which he finally could have a happy place, welcomed him.

“Thank you,” Slaine said quietly to no one in particular and stilled, listening to Kaizuka’s footsteps. Then the moment shifted, and he was no longer alone.


End file.
